SO. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HOMESTUCK
Homestuck was a keystone in my life, and no joke that stupid MSPaint comic
has shaped my personality in major ways. From my interest in
,my enjoyment of
REALLY SHITTY MEMES
, and my
IMMENSE SHENNANIGAN CAPABILITIES
. Put simply, Homestuck is a multi-media webcomic with animations, games,
music, artwork, and a mindmelting 1.2 MILLION words.
The story as put by the author is about "A boy and his friends playing a game" which I guess is an accurate description. But considering that the game *starts* by destroying the planet with teleported asteroids, and eventually involves 5 alien species and thousands of alternate timeline versions of dead main characters teaming up to fight a griefing alien player that draws anime that is really, REALLY shitty, it kind of oversimplifies the whole thing.
The concept is more than a little out there, with a young girl going about
her day looking at several warped amalgamations of animals at the zoo.
However she and everyone else reacted to the creatures as if they were normal, thats just how an elphant looks apparently. Which made it no surprise when the girl's family start turning into snails, and everyone except the girl just kind of shrug and go about their day.
And You Know What? If after that The Undertaker showed up, told me he knows my spiritual IP address and that my families like some dog movie named Ol' Yeller(???), I might just believe him and let him take my snail family to the farm.
Brody out here looks less like a priest and more like a butcher. But clearly this guy knows more than he lets on.
What even is a "Haven and Hearth"? Well it's a homesteading MMO, that likes to take it reaaall slow. As in, things take IRL days to finish doing. A good example of both how slow, and how complex this game is, is the process of acquiring and steadily producing leather. The process for getting leather in this game takes at least 1.5 IRL days (time progresses while you're offline). You kill the animal, skin it, leave the skin on a drying rack for 6 IRL hours, then you move it to a tanning bed filled with water and tree bark and leave it there for another 24(!) hours. Rabbits and Squirrels give one piece of hide each, and if you try killing anything that can fight back (anything thats not a rabbit, squirrel or chicken) you will very quickly get acquainted with the injury system. Now, this is only possible after you have done a couple things already which include, getting a stone axe to cut down trees, getting a bone saw to turn trees into boards, and buying the Leathermaking skill and its pre-requisite skills with LP (you have been getting LP right?). These are all relatively easy to do for an experienced player, but for a new player? Phew. Crafting Recipies are unlocked via skills bought with LP, but are still hidden from the player until the player has "Discovered" all of its components. Components that could be hidden away in entire other skill trees, resultants of other yet to be unlocked recipies, or require a localized resource.
Space Station 13: Working at the worst space station in the galaxy
To illustrate how complex and insane this game is, before I explain any game mechanics, goals or roles I will simply tell you a story from the April Fools event I played on my favourite server, Goonstation. For April fools, everyone spawned in as a bingus( what's a bingus? ) and most of the Space Station was now made out of Jeans.
Upon getting over the initial shock of Bingusstation (and a nightmarish Jeanstation round). I realized that I failed to get my first two jobs picks, and was now a miner. Bingus's are deathly alerigic to water and the map was Oshan. (Can you guess the maps gimmick?)
Now even in normal conditions deep sea mining isn't the safest profession what with alien fauna and Cybersharks to begin with, but bless the games heart you could take the helmet off for a few seconds before you started freezing to death. Now thats enough to put you in critical condition.
I start talking about this with my fellow miner, only for both of us to get mad, get angry and decide that we weren't going out there to our deaths. No. We and the rest of the Mining staff went on strike. Striking outside of the HoPs office demanding our grievances heard. Spilling water all over the ground to demonstrate the acidic effects. But still we weren't heard.
Eventually the captain himself came in, shouting and disheveled and told us to hand out All Access ID cards to the crew and then ran off in a hurry. My partner had an idea and while the rest of the mining team kept the strike, I followed him to the ships AI Core.
I laugh at the AI for its poorly defended core and its blissful ignorance, and mid-insult the AI shows up, asks us what we think we are doing, and tells us to go fight the Elite Nuclear Operatives currently raiding the station to explode a nuclear device.
This explained how we got this far with minimal police brutality, the Security Officers were merely busy with Nukies the whole time.
My partner says "Fuck it we ball" and turned the AI against the non-mining workers.
A minute or so afterwards the station explodes and everyone dies. I thought I had been taken for a ride by a Nukie but then the AI player then remarked how strange it was to have been rogued by two non-antagonists during a Nukie round.
What happened to pizza at McDonalds?My current obsession is with some podcast about McDonalds pizza. It was a thing at some point, and I have become very familiar with the fact that its no longer the case. Its about 250 10-20 minute episodes of a man struggling to find any new angles of attack at one of the most important questions of our time.
The man is on a mission no doubt, and I for one am with him for the ride. Anyone who devotes themselves to a joke for 6 years and counting, is my type of person.
What is slack? If you're asking that question that means someone out there has your slack! And you have to get it back! All you have to do is decipher some meaning from one of the hundred or so misleadingly named "Hour Of Slack" podcast episodes. Bob Dobbs can help you get your Slack Back! Learn more at the "Church of the Subgenius" website! We never update the website, because we feel that its current design is made up of 100% holy Slack!